Friday, June 5, 2015

Nihilistic Nothingness

Although I label myself a reality thinker, I now find myself drowning in negative thoughts and feelings of next to nothingness. I call this "nihilistic nothingness" for my own personal emotional state of mind.

Those who know me well can attest to my belief that negative has its place in my "one can always find a bit of sunshine peeking out of the clouds" pathway to positive thinking.

What this means for me is that I am generally able to allow negativity its rightful time and place in my life. I address it (perhaps even embrace it) then I move back, or forward to, a more positive state, that of being the woman behind the "abitosunshine" label of my life, online and off.

The Fault In Our Stars

Feeling Nihilistic

Mindful of my present life circumstances, I find myself up against a seemingly insurmountable mountain of nothingness. Perhaps a character in the book "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green said it best.

"...the problem is not suffering itself or oblivion itself but the depraved meaninglessness of these things, the absolutely inhuman nihilism of suffering.”

Do I believe in nihilism? No; rather, I do (or did) not think so. However, my present thoughts and emotions surely seem to lean ever so slightly in that direction.

Am I, as Friedrich Nietzsche might say, in a life place where I "must experience nihilism" before I redefine the values upon which I am living my life? If this be truth, my suffering is not in vain. If this be truth, I will move to something — surely far better than feeling nihilistic nothingness.

Introduction to Nihilism

Yes, I am one who needs meaning and purpose to my life, regardless the time and circumstance from birth to death. I need to feel that I am living, not just existing or merely surviving.

As I share my feelings here today, I see just cause for more reflection on my next-to-nothingness reality.

Read all about the ABC Challenge of Emotions and join us here each week as we write and share our feelings from A to Z.

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